I don’t know if you will read this as I just found this page today, almost 2 and a half years later. I just wanted to say that I know exactly what you are going through. I am 28 years old and about a year ago my life came to a screeching halt. I have been engaged for over a year and I am unable to try on dresses or make any wedding plans. I finally ordered a dress online that I have never tried on or even seen. Eloping is probably going to be the route we are going to take, wedding planning requires energy that my body does not have. My fiance has been amazing through this. If it wasn’t for him, I truly would have given up a long time ago.

I was terminated for the first time in my entire life in April of 2011 due to absences because I started getting sick all the time. This was earth shattering. I found another job and managed to work for 5 more months until I was physically unable to due to being so sick and weak ALL THE TIME. I have been working since I was 15 and have never even had a write up prior to this illness. I LOVED my job. I looked forward to it every day. I am an ER RN and this has been my dream since I was young. My mother was an ER nurse and I always knew that emergency nursing was what I wanted to do. I suffered, worked and payed my own way through nursing school and worked hard to get to where I am, but now my body will not allow me to work anymore. I am not receiving disability nor even applying for it. My pride won’t let me, though this is unfair to my fiance and family as I am sure I am a large burden to them. I keep telling myself that I am going to get better any day and I will be able to get on with my life. I have experienced all the symptoms you are describing, and many more, (which I am sure you are too, I think it is impossible to list every symptom that accompanies this.) My latest symptoms have been including cardiac issues that, quite frankly, scare the hell out of me. I am pretty sure I will be in complete heart failure by the time I am 40. I am a RN and my faith in doctors remains as I do see how they help people and most of them are good people, but it is so hard to go through this without a diagnosis and frustrating when the medical world gives up on you. Almost all of my tests have been negative too. Unfortunately, when everything is ruled out through testing, doctors tend to diagnose the patient as a psychiatric case. Thanks to the invention of the EMR, (electronic medical record), our particular quest for answers is made more difficult. All it takes is for one physician to note you as a possible psych and it is all over, that label follows you forever. (There is a Seinfeld episode where this happens to Elaine. Hilarious episode, but there is a lot of truth to it.) I have been to about 30 different doctors and a specialist in every field you can think of. I live in Southwest Missouri and have traveled as far as St. Louis and spent thousands and thousands of dollars out of pocket in seeking a diagnosis with NO ANSWERS. I have refused all narcotic pain medications, (though there are times I wish I hadn’t!). I am always afraid of being labeled as a drug seeker and all I want is to get better and to LIVE MY LIFE!

There is many psychiatric symptoms that accompany this awful ailment. Depression, !!ANXIETY!!, sometimes I catch myself having some symptoms of OCD, (obsessive compulsive disorder), but they always pass only to return a few weeks later.

I believe there is something out there that we are unable to diagnose in our day and age of medicine. I personally have several theories, but have given up researching as it was driving me crazy and not getting me anywhere as the doctors have stopped listening.

I so badly want my life back. I want to plan my wedding, help my fiance with our house we just bought, I want to work!!!!!!!!! I love taking care of sick and injured people, it is a blessing to be able to help people in the capacity and field that I was. I just would like to go out to dinner or a movie with the love of my life. I just think how unfair this is to him. I am too sick to leave my house most days. I feel I am holding him back. My father has a terminal diagnosis and most days I am too sick to even spend time with him. I know I will never get this time back and it makes me so angry when I think about what this has taken from me and my loved ones.

I have fought and fought, looked for help in every area possible. I stopped going to doctors. One, because I lost my health insurance in having to quit my job, and two, that horrible feeling you were talking about when you drive home with no answers and no hope. That feeling is devastating and so heart breaking. I got to where I just could not handle one more doctor looking at me like I was crazy.

I am praying for you. If you belong to Him, know that God is in control. I find it so hard to keep my faith and sometimes wonder if He forgot about me, but in my heart I have a peace that He has given me. I have found in my life that I always look back and say, “ah, that’s why!” It is hard to imagine any good coming from this, but I know there is a reason.

It is so hard when everyone thinks you are crazy and no one sees or feels what you do. It is not just seeing or feeling, it is pure torture. It is hell on earth at times and it is unbelievable that nothing shows up on testing with all the pain and discomfort we experience. Hang in there. Don’t give up. I pray there is an answer and it is found in our lifetime. (I know the feeling of wishing you were dead because you are sick of living this way, your body is exhausted from fighting this crap.) And I know there are times when you feel you are knocking at death’s door. Somehow, our bodies always get through it.

Don’t give up. There is a reason to be here. There is a reason for this, though we may not be able to see it now.

You are in my thoughts and prayers,

Megs

P.S. All my symptoms began when I moved into a duplex that I later found out was INFESTED with many types of toxic mold. I can not help but think that this is all related. Even though removal from the source is the treatment in these cases, I continue to have so many problems almost 5 months later. I still think that something started living and growing in my body. Perhaps some type of mycosal infection? I mention this because if there is a mold problem where you are living, this would be something to look into as it could likely be related. In my case, I am almost positive this is related. This may be totally off, but I just feel I should mention it. I recommend moving asap if you know of any mold problems as this stuff is almost impossible to kill. (FYI, Bleach will not even kill it, you have to buy a special chemical at home depot.)

I would like to also say that we are both (mother and I) intune with the supernatual, spiritworld, sensitive. I wonder if this has anything to do with it? I would love to know why this occurs to people?

I have a theory, that you should check out for yourself and see if it seems right. It may seem wacky, but….how much wackier than the fact that my skull has changed shape?

Try googlins “ascension symptoms” and that should get you started.

There are people who believe (and I have become one of them just in the last year, due to some pretty amazing experiences, synchronicities, etc.), that believe that human beings are evolving. I have only found one place that talks about bones changing, but there is a lot of info on physiological changes and changes in our DNA. One of the major signs is headaches (of which I am an expert). Another thing that they say is you feel sick but you’re not (like sometimes you feel like it’s the flu but not really). (I noticed many of you said you are otherwise perfectly healthy.) Trust your instincts, this is one of those things where you just need to use your intuition. But worth a shot, right? I’ll be really interested to see if anyone thinks this might apply to them.